Earth

There are many movies that look interesting this spring/summer. I'm patiently awaiting X-Men Origins (May 1st), Star Trek (May 8), UP (May 29), and impatiently waiting for Transformers (June 24).
The movie that I'm extremely curious and excited about is Earth, out in theaters APRIL 22nd. This is a DisneyNature film documenting one year in the life of three animal families and their journeys across the earth. The cinematography looks ridiculously amazing AND James Earl Jones as the narrator is a plus.
Another great thing is that if we buy a ticket for its opening week, Disney will plant a tree in our honor. Which means, 1 ticket = 1 tree. awesome!
"A single mature tree can absorb carbon dioxide at a rate of 48 lbs./year and release enough oxygen back into the atmosphere to support 2 human beings." cite!

If these aren't enough to make you want to go see this movie, go watch it for the adorable baby polar bears, humpback whale, and elephant!

Check out this movie's website for some more information. The trailer is SICK! <--which means good!

*warning: if you tend to be very emotional, you may cry in the midst of the trailer's awesomeness (as I have cried...)*

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I've recently picked up The Seer by Jim W. Goll from Impact's library. I've only read the first 25 pages, but boy those were very informative 25 pages! It's a good book...so far.
Though I've started to read, I still haven't "found" the time to wait upon God. I mean, what does that even mean? Can somebody please explain?
I need quiet time with Him, but what do I do in those quiet times? My mind keeps wandering off into space. BUT, I know that "in time, and with practice, you'll be able to focus on God completely."
AND I uber-suck at Bible knowledge. What do I know? The books of Matthew, John, and Revelations are all that I have really absorbed.

That's all.

being dance

This semester, I'm taking a kinesiology class called social dance. This class basically teaches all different types of dancing: waltz, salsa, cha-cha, tango, polka, foxtrot, swing, etc. To do these dances, guys and girls have to pair up.
Guys=leaders
Girls=follower
When I first started this class, I was a horrible follower. I actually was more of a leader. I didn't listen to the my partners and danced however I wanted. Finally, I was paired with an experienced dancer. Boy, could he lead! I didn't even have to look down at my feet to see which steps he was going to take, I could feel his movements.

My point is that this dance class has taught me a lot, other than dancing.

It has taught me to be a follower. Sometimes, being a leader is great, but one needs to learn to be a follower, or rather more humble. Instead of always taking charge, having the control in my own hands, I learned to trust someone else to guide me. This is especially important when it comes to one's relationship with God.

When you are in the position of a leader, LEAD. In my dance class, all the guys rotate, so I always have a different partner. There are some guys who are just as clueless as I am with dancing. Their postures would be very limp, there'll be no resistance in the arms, and they'll have no idea what they're going to do next. On the other hand, there'll be those leaders who will take charge. When dancing with those guys, I don't have to worry. It seems as if they know exactly what they're doing, and I would know what they are doing. The lesson that I learned is that when I am put in a leadership position, I need to have a firm stance and know what my next steps are.

This classed has taught me how to LEAD and how to FOLLOW.

I encourage you to take a formal dance class. If your college or university offers dance classes you should take advantage of it. Even if you already know how to dance, or how to lead/follow, take it just because it's fun and it's a great way to meet new people.

By the way, my dance class is having a party on APRIL 17 from 7-12midnight. It is $5 for CSULB students and $6 for non-CSULB students. We will be doing a whole bunch of different types of dances. If you are interested, just ask me about more details.

ALSO, this Thursday night, I will be going swing dancing in Pasadena with a few people. Swing dance is a very easy dance to learn. It is super fun and anyone can come (for all ages). Dance lessons start at 7:30pm and the dancing ends at 12 midnight. There is a $7 cover charge. Click for more info.

Attack of the Cold

Friday evening, around 8pm, my throat started to feel very dry. Almost like it would get when it's allergy season.
Friday night, sleeping time, woke up many many times in the middle of the night just to spit out nasty stuff.
Saturday morning, 9 am, got up and found myself with no voice and huge sore throat. gargled salt water, but it didn't help. Afternoon, went to Pavilion's and bought honey and lemon. Though that stuff tastes awesome, it didn't help. Had to keep tissue box near my person at all times to spit out nasty stuff. (phlegm)
Saturday evening, Wave and city invasion at the mall, still hurt. Had pressure building up in my head the whole time. Got prayed for, but sore throat did not heal. Johnny prayed for my headache IT HEALED. woot.
Saturday night, on the way home, was excited because I thought I was going to be 100% better.
Sunday morning, it was worse. Way worse. Had the fever, chills, body ache, cough, runny nose, stuffy nose, sore throat, weakness, and phlegm. Could not go to church like I planned to.
Sunday evening, couldn't drive to school, so I called my papa to take me. I scared him. He told me he would take me to school monday morning. Called Steven to say I couldn't take him and may to school, scared him too.
Monday, felt like dying because, along with body pain, head ache, congestion, I got motion sickness. Dad helped me bring my stuff into my dorm. I love him... :)
Went to school's health center, physician's assistant told me what I already knew. I HAVE THE COLD. She wouldn't prescribe me antibiotics because "they do not work half the time." Instead she "prescribed" me otc meds: Sudafed, Robitussin, Nyquil, and tylenol.
I WANT ANTIBIOTICS!!!

Right now, I'm a little better. I only have stuffy/runny nose, lots of cough, PHLEGM (eewwwwwww!!!!!), and a sexy low, raspy voice (according to may, hahahahahaha!!!)

So what's going on with my life right now other than the Cold?
Nothing.
Stacey revealed to me that there are two pregnant high school students at Arcadia High.
What has the world come to that kids in ARCADIA would now get pregnant???
Must start praying for Arcadia! and other cities...

another 2009 goal:
Learn to ride the bike (embarrassing, i know)

It just never stops.

This was supposed to be a happy blog. I was supposed to be all excited about how, ever since this sunday, I haven't thought any negative thoughts about my body.

You know how I talked about when I was younger?
How I was the fat kid who everyone teased.
Fat jokes were thrown at me here and there.
All these cruel, yet sometimes unintentional, jokes made me the insecure person that I was...or still am.
Back in the day, I would just curl up in my bed, praying to God to please end all this frustration.
I'd wish that I'd be skinny, I wished that all my fat would just disappear.
It did. I got a growth spurt and lost my baby fat.
but the teasings didn't stop there. i would still see myself in the mirror as that fat, ugly girl.
it got to the point where i started to watch everything I ate.
every meal, the most that i can eat was half a cup of rice and a few veggies.
i was 16. That year, I got sick almost every other week. When I was on my period, I almost blacked out. I got to the point where even my doctor was alarmed. I was 5'6" and weighed 109lbs.
Yet, I still felt disgusting.

Recently, I have been struggling with these thoughts in my mind. Am I too fat? Why are there breakouts on my body and face? How can I change the size of my hips? Are my eyes big enough?
I could spend hours just staring at myself in the mirror, criticizing myself.

This past weekend at the Love tent and at Church, I had a breakthrough. People prophesied over me and they gave me words of reassurance, words of encouragement. It definately lifted my spirits. For three days, nothing negative entered my mind. When I'd look at myself in the mirror, I have to admit, I thought i was beautiful, like a princess. And that's exactly who I am. A princess of God's Kingdom.

BUT tonight, while I was getting ready for the shower, a friend (who will remain anonymous) came up to me and point to my stomach. "You know, if you were at a plastic surgeon's place, he'd mark over here (belly), here (sides), and over here (abdomen)."
Now, I was already moody and frustrated, but this sent me over the edge.
As I stepped into the shower stall, all those negative thoughts that I'd tried so hard to suppress came flooding back. Sobbing in the shower didn't make it any better.

I thought, "God, cast out these evil thoughts in my head." I am His daughter. He made me in His image. I am His creation. Boy, did that cheer me up a little.

Anyway, that isn't my point for this immensely long blog. My point is: Why would a friend, who knows what I've been going through, say all that to me? Why would that person say such hurtful things?It's because that person was so used to these types of jokes. I never made such a big deal about it before (i'd always tease that person too), I would just brush them off.

An Advice to everyone: Don't take a joke too far. Watch what you say to someone because you may never know if your words may hurt him/her. It may be unintentional, but it still hurts.
To people who have been hurt by others: Be straight with your friends if they have hurt your feelings. Confront the situation and tell them how you feel.

I Promise to love my body from here on out. I will keep my body healthy. I will not let the devil control my mind anymore.


As Eleanor Roosevelt once said No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Spring '09

May and I were talking about how much of a summer break I was going to have. Approximately 1.5 weeks. 12 weeks of my summer is devoted to summer sessions, so what we decided was that we were going to go out any time I have a break or else I'd die of suffocation. Anyway, we're going to San Diego! woohoo! It's still in the planning process, but that's where I want to go. I actually wanted to go to Mexico, but May's passport is not updated.

I guess that'll be like our mini roadtrip. so 1 item will be checked off of my goals for this year.

I really need to get working on my 5-year plan.

2010:
-See to it that a few of my family members are saved
-Begin nursing classes, but getting into it first
-Turn 21 and go to Vegas with the girls (hehe)
-Really start learning an instrument
-Go on a missions trip or something to do with humanitarian work, volunteer
-Receive WoK and WoW (Words of Knowledge and Words of Wisdom) about random people like a snap
-Find a boyfriend/start connecting with a guy/receive something about my husband
- Get a job (at Disneyland..jk)
-Stop procrastinating
-read the bible (I really suck at reading the bible)
-become a leader in something

this list is tentative and is not in order.

UPDATE!!!

OMG!!!!!!!
Well, I got an email from my chem professor. He wrote that the exam grades have been put up and the total amount of points is 150. The average of the class was 108 points, which is 73%, a C-. Well, I went to check my grade online, expecting a low C, but instead I saw I got 126 on my test. That's an 86%, a B+!!! Praise God.
This completely lifts up my spirit and now I have more hope in myself.

Plus, this afternoon I had a little quiet time with God. I really wanted something huge to happen, like get taken up to heaven or something, but all I had were some tears. That's still great. I'm definitely expecting more.

Whining please

Warning: The first half of this entry is devoted to whining about my life. The second half should be a better read.

I just finished taking my chem exam this morning. I failed. Well, at least I think I failed. At one point during my test, I thought to myself, "Maybe it'd just be better if I dropped this class."
Well, I can't drop this class. This class is essential to my application into the nursing program. Lately, I don't even know if I want to be a nurse anymore. All this stress is coming from just one class. I'm depressed about my summer because the whole summer will be devoted to taking Bio classes. Two bio classes. One right after the other, starting June 1st to August 21st.
I hate rushing to finish all my classes. You may ask, "Why would you put yourself into this position, Steph?" It's because I'm asian. It's because my mother has this mentality that all successful people graduate within four years of college. If I don't graduate within 4 years, I'm a failure. BUT there's not a chance in the world that I can graduate within 4 years of college. So I promised my mom that I would try to graduate in 5 years. (the average graduation for nursing students is 6 years. shit.)
Anyway, I digress. Back to my chem class. I am super stressed out. So much to the point that I want to rip out all my hair. This stress is chaning me. It's making me into a person who is easily annoyed/angered and who has no time for life. I have no time for life. Dude, if general chem is this hard, I don't even want to know how organic and biochem will be like.
What really sucks is that, originally, my chem class is supposedly a two semester class. But the board of education for the Cal States demanded that chem (general, organic, and bio) be squeezed into 1 semester. No wonder all these students are panicking.
I should have never gone to Costa rica last year. I should have stayed and taken summer classes. I don't think it's something that i regret doing, since going to Costa Rica has changed a lot of me, but it would have taken a lot of these worries out of my parents and me.
I am fascinated by science, but not chem. I love life science. I love biology, and I don't know if I should switch my major because it could take me an additional 3 years to graduate. Which means I won't be out of college until I'm 25 or 26, and if i want to go to medical school, i won't be done with school until i'm 30/31. scary.

NOW for a change of topic.

I had a dream a while ago. At first, I thought it didn't mean anything and I ignored it. Here it goes: In my dream, I was back in my dorm room with May and Steven. I was sitting at my desk while the other two were behind me on May's bed. Suddenly, I was hit with a wave of thirst. I was dehydrated. I turned to steven and asked him for a bottle of water. I took it and chugged the whole thing. Afterwards, I still felt thirsty. My mouth was dry and rough like sandpaper. I asked for another water bottle and chugged that one too. I was still thirsty. I got another and chugged it. Still thirsty. I said out loud, "how come nothing can satisfy my thirst?"
The week after my dream, I went to church. During worship, this dream suddenly came to my mind and I realized that it was my spirit that was so thirsty. No matter what I do to try to fill it, it would never be satified. I need God. Only He can satisfy my thirst. but the thing is, I am so tired and bombed with hw that I barely have time for Him. This week, I'm going to try to finish all my hw so I'll have free time with God. Plus, I can't wait until LoveTent. I'm so excited, my heart is stirring.
Another epiphany came to me this past weekend. I was at the mall with may, tiffa, and liana. I was walking around with negative thoughts in my head about my image. To me, i hate how i look. I would complain about every little aspect of my body to God and wish to be more "beautiful." Well, while I was in store I suddenly heard, if you don't love yourself first, how can anyone ever love you back? DUN , DUn, Dun.... uh oh..how foolish i felt. I've been asking God for a husband who would love me unconditionally and love the way I look and am, but I've forgotten about loving myself. Right now, i'm taking baby steps to start loving and respecting myself.

God, your love never fails. Prepare me for the things to come.